Oh had I only known what awaited beyond the gray
Then I would have never left
After gray came robbin’s egg blue
Such a particular color
Such a specific shade
A shade that hides the ugly behind a lace fallacy
When I was gray I was so utterly lost, but no one noticed
And when the days of pearls, and gold and robbin’s egg blue arrived
All were deceived with an image of grace
Or perhaps they knew all along but were too scared to open their mouths
I was trapped in an atrocious place
No one spoke up
So broken and yet everyone acted like I was privileged
Some would even say I should be grateful to be given such an opportunity
How morbid
Uncertainty is blue
It is the color that has been with me the longest
Sure, first there was pink
But call pink a side effect of gender
Blue was the first me that was me
Next came red
I was alive
Red was the first me to appreciate me
Red was the first me to want more than what I was
Red was the first to acknowledge change needed to come
Red was the first me to love me and love being me
Then came grey
Grey was surprising
Grey was unexpected
Grey was something I never thought I’d be in life
Grey was my infatuation with formal education
Grey was my growth
Grey me was the me that took leaps and didn’t look back
Grey was the me who gave
The greatest wonder of this world; that is what you always were
From afar I thought I loved you
From up close all I did was kill you
Slowly and painfully
Like the formation of a canyon
I witnessed your erosion
Like an implosion, from the inside out
During those endless nights of your agony
I died ten thousand times
And when you the last sliver of lie left you
I drowned in the emptiness ten times over
The time I spent at your grave is uncountable
Your return from it was stupefying
There the lesson began
The one that taught me what it meant to truly love
The renewal of your soul was bathed in innocence
Her songs filled the air
She brought rej